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! LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. 



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UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. 



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THE 



Honest American Voter's 



Little Catechism 



1880. 



BLYTHE HARDING. 



Copyrighted, 1880. 



gkfo §atk: 
John Polhemtjs, Publisher, 102 Nassao 8*i 



1880. 



THE 



HONEST AMERICAN VOTER'S 



LITTLE CATECHISM 



FOR 



1880. 



/3S3&£/ 



BY 



BLYTHE HARDING. 



Copyrighted, 1880. 





NEW YORK: 

John Polhemus, Publisher," 102 Nassau Street. 



t {*S5 



H*i> 



PREFACE. 



I was invited the other day to take down, as Sten- 
ographer, what purported to be a discussion upon 
some general political topics, and more especially on 
the forthcoming presidential election. One of the 
disputants entrenched himself in what, I believe, schol- 
ars call the Socratic method, that is, he pumped his sup- 
posed antagonist dry. Whether the world at large may 
think the dialogue as funny as I did myself, I can form 
no opinion. It is to solve this question that I give it to 

the public. 

BLYTHE HARDING. 

New York, August 'dUt, 1880. 



THE DIALOGUE. 



What is a republic ? 

—A state, or Union of states, in which the people holds 
supreme power. 

How does the people exercise this power ? 
—Through men elected for this purpose. 
"What are these men called ? 

— Senators and members of Congress or Congressmen. 
Is there a head or chief in a republic ? 
— Certainly. 
What is he called ? 
— The President. 
Must the President be elected ? 
— Yes, by the people. 

Who declares the voice of the people in this matter ? 
—The electors of the different states, appointed to do it 
by the people. 

Is it necessary that the whole people should agree on 
one man in order to elect him ? 

— No; it only needs a majority of the nation, voting 
through the electors. 

Do the votes of the electors generally follow the voice 
- of the people in the different states ? 

— They ought to follow it. 

Are the electors considered bound to vote as the major- 
ity of the people in their different states direct ? 

— Undoubtedly they are. 

Then it is fair to say that the vote of a majority of the 
electors show which way the majority of the people 
voted ? 

— That's a simple question. Why, of course ! 
What are the duties of the President ? 
— To mind the business of the nation, and his own, too. 
Anything else ? 



— Isn't that enough ? 

Well, but what is that business T 

— The business of the nation ? 

Yes. 

— He makes treaties, weeds out old political hacks, 
and sends them on embassies where they cannot annoy 
him, and have nothing to do; appoints Judges of the 
Supreme Court like Joe Bradley, when he wants to 
play eight-to-seven; commands the army and navy, 
gets fifty thousand dollars a year, takes all the pres- 
ents he can get, lives in the White House, and does a 
kind of general housekeeping business for the country. 

I was not talking of Grant. Let that go. Does he do 
anything else ? 

— Yes ; if he comes from Ohio, he fills nearly every place 
he's got to give away with lean, hungry Ohio men, so 
that you can get a ' ' whiff " of that state all over Wash- 
ington, and in a good many other places too. any time 
of the day or night. 

Really I don't understand you. All our Presidents do 
not come from Ohio or Illinois! 

—Thank God they don't. 

Just t< 11 me what the Senators have to do ? 

— To prevent Congressmen from making fools of them- 
selves. 

Anything else ? 

—Yes; to keep an eye on the "jobs" Congressmen 

are always trying to put through. 
What are the duties of Congressmen ? 
— God knows! I don't think they do themselves. 
What should you think ? 
— From the way they go on, I should say : to rnakft a 

grab whenever they can. 
Who is now President of the United States ? 
—Samuel J. Tilden. 
That is a mistake. The present President of the United 

States is Rutherford B. Hayes. 
— He is, is he ? Yes, just about as much as I'm owner 

of Central Park, when I sit down on a bench there. 
What do you mean ? 



— I mean to say a man can't be President of this coun- 
try unless he is elected, and Hayes was never elected. 

Who was elected then ? 

— Why, Samuel J. Tilden, to be sure ! 

Then how did Hayes get in ? 

— He had some "statesmen" working for him, who 
kept the right man out and pushed him in. 

Do you really mean that ? 

— As certain as death. 

Very strange ! Who were these "statesmen;" I sup- 
pose you mean his friends ? 

— Friends, indeed ! Yes, like wolves are to sheep. 

Is Mr. Hayes a sheep ? 

— The people that put him where he is, have made him 
sheepish enough ; but he isn't a sheep. His hide is too 
thick for that. He would be a mule, only he isn't quite 
big enough. 

Ah ! You have a strange way of expressing yourself. 
But tell me, who were his "friends" as you call 
them ? 

— The same men that " worked " Grant. 

What do you mean by " working " Grant 1 

—Putting a pair of "blinkers " on him, and then steal 
ing everything they could lay their hands on; and 
then when they were going to be turned out, stealing 
the presidency so as to get another "hack" at the 
"swag." 

Really, this language sounds dreadful, T don't under- 
stand it ; but I suppose you mean right. 

— Mean right ? I should think I do. I am right. Only 
in talking of thieves, I am using the language of 
thieves. They simply wanted to keep their places 
and go on plundering the people. 

Speaking about General Grant, what kind of a Presi- 
dent was he ? 

—The best judge of whiskey, cigars and horses that ever 

stepped into the White House. 
Heavens! how dull you are! I'm not talking about 

whiskey and cigars, I mean what were his gifts ? 



—Gifts ? to whom ? I never heard that he made any 
gifts. He took everything offered him from a brown- 
stone front downwards, until it got to a bull-pup with 
the expressage unpaid — there he stopped. 

Shall I ever get you to understand me? I mean had he 
any good qualities? 

— Yes; he had. He wore a padlock on his mouth, was 
a rattling fighter, and stuck to his friends. In fact, 
he was generally bull-headed, as it were. 

Good enough! But these are not the qualities I 
am speaking of. I mean qualities that the people 
look for in a President. Perhaps "sticking to his 
friends " may have been one. What do you mean by 
that? 

— What do I mean? Why, screening and protecting 
a set of rascals not half as honest as nine-tenths 
of the men in jail for robbery. 

Do you mean me to understand by screening that he 
did what they do with coal, sift out the little ones 
and keep in the big ones? 

— Not at all. There was no " sift" to Grant; he stuck 
to the whole lot until the Republican party told him 
he must either let them go or lose the country. 

By the way, are the Republicans good people? 

— Yes; just as good as any other, and a good deal 
better, if they were only Democrats. 

Why do you complain of them, then? 

—I don't complain of the honest Republican people of 
the country. I complain of the Republican politi- 
cians. 

What is a "politician?" 

—Sometimes an honest man like John Morrissey ; hardly 
ever a fool ; generally a knave. 

What do you mean by a political party? 

—The term has two meanings. First, all the honest 
people of the country who believe in a given set of 
political principles. Secondly, it means all the politi- 
cal office-holders, manager's and wire-pullers, whose 
business is to throw dust in the eyes of the non-politi- 
cians (*. e. , the simple voters). 



In this latter sense how many parties are there ? 

— A good many people think there is only one. 

To what party does Mr. Hayes belong? 

— To the Orange party. 

What is that? 

— The temperance party that takes its rum in iced 
oranges. 

Is he an able man? 

— Yes; able to take a kicking from the Republicans 
better than any other man in the country. 

What do you mean by taking a kicking? 

—Why, accepting the toe of the political boot. 

Can you name any one who has operated on him in this 
delicate manner? 

— Yes; Roscoe Conkling. 

Would you call him a good kicker or bootist? 

— Yes; tip-top. 

What proof have you of this? 

— When Hayes and Sherman kicked Cornell out of 
office, Roscoe kicked him back on them as governor 
of the state of New York. When they kicked Arthur 
out of the custom-house, "Roscoe kicked him into the 
second place on the Republican ticket. 

Any further proof? 

—Yes; he kicked Evarts to New York to talk for 
Cornell, whom, as before said, the administration 
kicked out. John Sherman was afraid of his toe 
when he spoke lately at Washington in favor of the 
man whom he forced the President to kick out, 
saying he was unfit for the office he held. At last 
it looks as if Roscoe was going to kick himself into 
talking for Garfield, whom he despises. 

Why should he do that? 

— Oh! it'g, only the "machine " working. 

I don't understand. 

—Have you ever seen a bull trying to stop a locomo- 
tive? 

No. 

— Well, if *>ver you do, you'll see something like a 



politician trying to butt against the "party,' 

the "machine." 
Then is the great bootist afraid of the " machine?" 
— I don't think he's afraid of anything. But he knows 

there's no use kicking against that. 
By the way, you said Hayes had been put into office 

without being elected, had Conkling anything to do 

with that ? 
— No. He's to proud a man to stoop to any dirty work. 

He has held Hayes' administration at arm's-length, 

and never gone near them except when he was on the 

"kick." 
Then who did put Hayes into office ? 
— There were a good many in the job. Thirty-three in 

Florida and seventy-two in Louisiana; Garfield and 

John Sherman, chief "engineers." 
Do you mean to say that the man nominated by the 

Republicans for President, and the Secretary of the 

Treasury countenanced the men who forced Haye* 

on the country ? 
— If not, why were rewards promised the rascals for 

doing it. When the job was done, and Hayes inau- 
gurated, every one of the scoundrels was ' ' provided 

for." 
Didn't the other party protest ? 
— Of course they did. But it was the old story of the 

fly and spider* 
I n what way ? 

— The 'Pubs got the 'Crats to consent to have the diffi- 
culty settled by an Electoral Commission and then 
euchred them. ' 

How ? 

— Simple enough. There were eight 'Pubs on the Com- 
mission and seven : Crats. They met. Up gets old 
Evarts. Says he to the Commissioners: "Boys " — I 
mean— "Gentlemen! The first duty of a Judge, if 
lie wants very badly to find the ' cat in the bag,' is to 
Jook up the chimney." Here he winked at the Judges 
un Joe Bradley's side. They say he looked very 
much like Beecher, when he proved his innocence in 



Brooklyn. " Therefore," says he, " if the involutionary 
concatenation of a political residuum approximates 
to the concordant volitions of a Republican effervesc- 
ence, it is extra self-evident that judicial investigation 
into supernumerary circumstantial totality, is beyond 
the hypodermic flexal radiation of your illustrations." 
The argument was short, but it settled the case ! 

But I don't understand a word of it. 

—What does that matter? He didn't himself. But 
they voted on the question all the same. 

How did the vote go? 

—Well, that is a simple question ! Why eight to seven, 
to be sure! What he said was supposed to mean 
they had no right to take evidence. The Tubs 
agreed with him. They said they were there to do 
nothing, and intended to doit, and pay attention to it, 
They were eight. And they voted eight— eight, 
eight, eight, eight — every time. 

Well, but what had Garfield particularly to do with 
this? 

—First of all he said in Congress: " The Commission is 
clothed with power to hear and determine the vote of 
any state." * * * He declared on his honor (!) 
that the Commission had power to go down into the 
states and review the act of every officer, to open every 
ballot box, and to pass judgment on every ballot cast by 
seven millions of Americans. He said they had all 
the powers of the Senate and House of Representa- 
tives to examine into everything. 

And then ? 

—Well, then, as he was playing euchre, he popped the 
"joker " (himself) on the Crats' left bower, and voted 
- he Commission had no right to do anything of the sort. 
In the next game the ''joker" will be discarded. 

How about the 'Crats, as vdu call them? 

— Well, as they were only seven, and couldn't be ia 
two places at once, and vote fourteen, they threw up 
their hand. 
Why, this was sinTply a farce? 

—That's so; but it's very curious the people that were 
watching the farce didn't see anything funny about 



10 

it, or laugh. They were quiet — very quiet. I.tl 
they had a notion the tragedy would come later, 
and then they'd change the cast, and take a hand 
in themselves, just to^see how it would go. 

Please, explain yourself? 

— Well, during the farce, the Electoral Commission, 
Garfield being one, were the actors, aad the people 
were the spectators. During the tragedy the people 
will be the actors, and Garfield, the Electoral Com- 
mission, and the "machine" politicians will be the 
spectators — a very select audience. Admission free. 
The stage will be rather large, about the size of the 
United States. Lots of room for the audience. After 
the play there will be a procession to the White 
House in Washington. The actors will invite their 
special friends to it. I don't think Garfield, the 
Electoral Commission, or the Republican "machine " 
engineers, will get cards of invitation. They will, 
perhaps, be asked to a free lunch in Ohio. 

Now for the application. 

— Well, you must remember the American people are 
not born idiots. They saw through the whole of this 
Electoral Commission business, and they kept quiet. 
They were enraged, however, to think these politicians 
coufd imagine them so dead daft. I think, too, at one 
time they were within an ace of letting themselves 
out. If they had, there would have been bad work ! 

They did better to wait. 

— To be sure; but what kills one is to see these same 
wire-pullers putting up a man like Garfield for Presi- 
dent. Why, he's got the rottenest record of the 
whole lot. You hear them say he's a statesman. Yes, 
indeed! and I'm Sultan of Turkey. He's nothing 
more than a common political hack, and an unsafe 
one at that. 

How 

— His (nonparty convicted him of bribe-taking, after he 
had sworn he did nothing of the sort; many news- 
papers, on his own side, wanted him expelled from 
the House. Heaven knows what the hidden doings of 
a man like that are. The samples that hive come to 
light are the worst possible. To wind up with, he 



went to Chicago expressly to look after John Sher- 
man's interests for the nomination, and then sold 
him clean out, boots, hat and all I No wonder he said : 
" My God, what will John Sherman say?" 

And what did Sherman say? 

— The "machine*' put the screw on, and honest John 
Sherman had to say he was the best man in the coun- 
try to make President. 

Did the audience notice any swelling in John's throat ? 

— No ; but he got a bad attack of the hiccoughs soon 
after. 

Stomach too full, I suppose? 

— Exactly. John would have liked to throw up 
Garfield, but the "machine" forced John to keep 
him on his stomach. That's what was the matter. 

Well, but after all, Garfield served his country? 

— He did, served her a good many dirty tricks. 

That's not what I mean. Didn't he serve in the army? 

— What army? 

The regular army. 

— Do you mean to insult that splendid set of officers? 

No, I'm serious. 

— He was a volunteer colonel for about a year, and then 
slipped into Congress when Hayes said any man that 
did so ought to be scalped. Hayes deserves one for 
that, anyhow. 

Can you mention any " hot affairs" in which he was 
engaged? 

—Yes; he led the "left" wing of the Credit Mobilier 
brigade in the raid on the Treasury, under Oakes 
Ames, was desperately wounded and received honor- 
able mention from Schuyler Colfax, since dismissed 
the service. He headed the "forlorn hope" in the 
attack on the Washington pavements. Was again 
badly wounded; this time in the — no, I mean, from 
behind by his own men. In this attack a private 
named de Golyer used a $5,000 dollar bill for wad- 
ding, which was found when the wound was probed. 
This wound is still open, as well as the first, and both 
give the daring partisan constant and dreadful an- 
noyance. 

^Nh&t great services to the country ! Go on, please. 

—He was conspicuous in many other engagements. He 
covered the advance of the Salary and Back Pay 



If 

Brigade in another fierce assault on the Treasury. 
Here he was so desperately wounded that his friends 
insisted on his resigning and nursing his * * * 
character. He refused, and his fellow soldiers have 
nominated him to supersede General Hayes as Com- 
mander-in Chief of the " Silent Steelers." 

You mean, of course, troops that charge without cheer- 
ing? 

— Not much! I mean a corps of " crack"(s)men. They 
are also called the " Stealthy Purloiners." 

Can you mention any instances of Garfield's heroism? 

— Loads! but one will be enough. A notorious fresh- 
water buccaneer, named R-be-s-n, had joined the 
ranks. He was just falling into the hands of the 
enemy when Garfield seized him by the seat of his 
pants and the collar of his jacket, and dragged him 
back into the lines. The sight was too much for the 
enemy. They grounded arms and laughed outright. 
Two or three of the men, however, "potted" the 
heroic Garfield; he was again wounded just to the 
right of the end of the spinal column! 

Please give me one more instance? 

—He held the Black Friday bridge against the assault 
of the banking and currency column. (Committee.) 
lie reduced the enemy at one blow from 25,000 to 250. 

Good gracious! How? With a sword-stroke? 

— No! with a lead pencil! 

Do you mean he annihilated 20,000 men? 

— Ao\ dollars! 

Explain, if you please. 

—Certainly. Some one high up— very high up— stood 
in to the tune of $25,000 in the Fisk and Gould ar- 
rangement when they made a "corner " in gold. The 
money was sent by express. The manager of the ex- 
press company assured the committee, there was no 

such entry in the book to Mrs. G . Sunset Cox 

astonished them with some of his "reflected" light. 
He asked for the book and read out: Mrs. U. S. G., 
Wh— to Ho— se, money package, value $25,000. 

Dear me! 

—Yes, and dear me, too! Wait a minute ! Up jumps 
Mentor Garfield and says: It's only a slight mistake- 
evidently a mistake— the dot ought to be removed one 
figure to the right, thus $250.00. Presto! Gentlemen! 



18 

Two hundred and fifty dollars you see, instead of 
twenty-five thousand. His pals remembered this, es- 
pecially Grant, and he turned him loose on the 
Democratic majorities in Louisiana to do the same 
work. 

He must be the very devil at figures. 

— Just so ; but that was wiping out a majority in both 
cases. In November he'll have to try his hand at 
figuring up a majority where it doesn't exist. Some 
difference between the two [ahem!] some slight differ- 
ence. 

I suppose you allude to the election? 

—Pre .... cisely! 

W hat is Mr. Garfield doing now? 

— Playing the cat. 

What do you mean? 

— Trying to cover up the record behind him. 

I don't see the allusion? 

—That kind of allusion is seen through the nose. 

Do you think this would be a safe country in Mr. Gar- 
field's hands? 

—What a question! Isn't he a "Jimmy " ? 

You mean a " tool " in the hands of the 'Pubs? 

— You've hit it. 

And they are going to make him President? 

—Yes; President of the Salt River Navigation and Im- 
provement Company, unlimited. 

I thought they were going to make him President of 
the United States? 

—I think they might if there wasn't some one else in 
the way. 

Who's that? 

—Hancock. 

The man that signed the Declaration? 

—Yes ; the Declaration of Gettysburg. 

What is he? 

— A real gentleman. 

What else? 

— A great soldier. 

Anything more? 

— A true citizen. 

He must be a singular maa? 

— He is ; there are not two lik« him in the •ountry. 

I should like to see him. 



— Nothing easier. He's big enough. Just walk over to 
Governor's Island. 

How can you prove he's a gentleman? 

— He's an officer of the United States army. 

Quite sufficient. Tell me why he's a great soldier. 

— He saved the Union in battle. 

I thought Grant did that? 

— Grant did first-rate righting; but if Hancock hadn't 
won at Gettysburg, Grant and his army might as well 
have sat down where they were and gone into the 
"Tanner" business. 

Did he take a part in any other great battles?* 

— Yes ; in nearly every battle fought by the army of the 
Potomac until he was carried off the field at Gettys- 
burg. 

What did the country think of him? 

— Everything that could be thought of a brave, noble 
nature. 

What did Congress do? 

— Passed a special vote of thanks to him for his con- 
spicuous part in the battle that saved the country. 

Of course they passed a vote of thanks to Garfield, too ? 

— Yes; & silent vole. 

How do you prove that Hancock is a true citizen? 

—Because he has profound respect for the laws and 
constitution of his country. 

When did he show this? 

— He has shown it all his life. 

But more particularly? 

— When the war was over he put up his sword. Grant, 
Garfield & Co. insisted he should rule with it. He 
refused. He told the trembling Southern people they 
had the same rights in peace as all other American 
citizens, and that he would make his army protect 
those rights. 

What are those rights? 

— Trial by jury, habeas corpus, free speech and free press. 

Did he put that down in writing? 

— I should think he did. He wrote a letter to old Pease, 
the governor of Texas, that must have flashed into 
him like lightning into a gooseberry bush. 

Did he write anything el?e? 

— Yes; the great Order No. 40. 

I remember that. What did Andy Johnson say about it? 



15 

— He said: "When a great soldier, with unrestricted 
power in his hands to oppress his fellow-men, volun- 
tarily foregoes the chance of gratifying selfish ambi- 
tion, and devotes himself to building up the liberties 
and strengthening the laws of his country, he presents 
an example of the highest public virtue that human 
nature is capable of practising. Whenever power 
above the law courted his acceptance, he calmly put 
the temptation aside. By such magnanimous acts of 
forbearance he won the universal admiration of man- 
kind, and left a name which has no rival in the his- 
tory of the world. " 

Did lie say anything else ? 

—Yes. He said: "I respectfully suggest to Congress 
that some public recognition of General Hancock's 
•patriotic conduct is due, if not to him, to the friends 
of law and justice throughout the country. Of such 
an act as his, at such a time, it is but fit that the dig- 
nity should be vindicated and the virtue proclaimed, 
so that its value as an example may not be lost to the 
nation.' 5 

Did Congress do anything? 

—Never mind Congress. The American people will do 
it in November by putting him where George Wash- V 
ington was, so that the whole world may take a good, / 
long look at him. It's impossible to knock the mod- 
esty out of him, so we'll take it with him, and put it 
" where it will do the most good. " 

Of course, Garfield felt just like Andy Johnson in this 
matter? 

— Quite so. 

How did he show it? 

—By bringing a bill into Congress to dismiss General 
Hancock from the army for insisting on all the rights 
of citizens in time of peace. 

Good heavens ! 

—Yes, good heavens! I should say so. That wasn't the 
worst part of it. He wanted the bill voted on the 
next day. And the act provided that it should take 
effect as soon as it was passed. So that, if General 
Hancock had nothing outside his pay, this soldier (?) 
who ran away from the fie.d to go "jobbing " in Con- 
gress, would the next day have made a beggar of the 
man who really saved the Union! 



16 

Do you think good, honest Republican voters (I don't 
mean the "machine" men), know or remember any- 
thing about it? 

— We live so fast that I expect many of them have let 
it drop out of their minds. But note's the time for them 
to remember it. 

Has General Hancock shown how he can deal with try- 
ing difficulties since the war ? 

— I should rather think so. Do you remember when 
they had the terrible riots in Pennsylvania, and so 
much property was destroyed and so many lives lost 
in and about Pittsburgh V Well, the very men who 
to-day are talking up Garfield and running down 
Hancock, were shaking in their shoes; Schurz, whom 
Hancock caught trying to make himself invisible at 
Getty sburgh, among them. It was a regular Quakers' 
meeting. Finding they could make no head against 
it, and that the thing was spreading and getting to 
look like a revolution, what did they do? Why, they 
sent for the man whom Garfield wanted to beggar and 
disgrace, and besought him to take the thing in hand 
and restore order. "They gave him full power. 

And how did he act? 

— Like a brave soldier, a true citizen and a real gentle- 
man. While protecting the property of capitalists he 
was kind and forbearing to the working classes who 
believed they had a grievance. 

What was the result? 

— That dreadful affair was brought to a close by him 
without the shedding of one single drop of blood. 
Before he took command many had lost their lives. 
He put down the riot so firmly but so patiently that 
every one admired and praised him. 

Do you think the people of Pennsylvania forget this 
great service? 

— I wouldn't accuse them of being so ungrateful. 

I suppose Garfield brought in another bill to dismiss 
him from the army for not proclaiming martial law, 
doing the drum-head trial business, and having a little 
human-target excursion every day? 

— Come, come! Haven't you had enough of Garfield? 
Let me ask you one more question. Which of the 
two do you think is going to be the next President? 

I know which of the two ought to be. 



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